Have you ever had to sell yourself on something but realized you never actually intended to buy?
Yea… okay. We all have now…are you going to keep window shopping or are you going to put your money where your mouth is and spend whatever is necessary to get the thing, results or life you’d like?
I remember when I used to window shop. Now I don’t waste my time. I spend it on the things or results I want to buy.
I am working on hesitation in seeing a good deal and procrastination because i think the time to spend on it will always be there.

Time waits for no one and we all know that but sometimes we don’t move through life like we believe it enough. I was so guilty of that. But I needed more time to understand what it was that I wanted to buy because you don’t get refunds. The issue is that in coming to terms with my own motivation a lot of time had passed and a lot was lost, a lot was gained but through it all I came out a better woman with more self understanding of what I wanted. And that is why we are here.
I am no longer window shopping through life I am buying the results I want thus I am spending my time on myself and making sure I have both what I need and what I want. From a perspective of self image and self worth I have not always moved in a cohesive and confident fashion where those two places meet. That is why I went away and then sat inside with myself and when I said I was “ready to come back outside” it was because I was ultimately ready to splurge all that time I had spent!
In which I did but I quickly realized that I had to hold back. I had to think ahead and understand this was not about the destination but the journey because ultimately we all end up in the same spot it’s just a matter of how time was spent before you get there. I focused outwardly a lot. I worried what others would think of my choices and how those choices would make me look as if my life was about a brand and I had to protect it for some investor to come see its value. I don’t prefer life like that and most people don’t either that’s why they hate their jobs because many of their life’s choices then are not all about them but the investors and the shareholders. A lot of life is like that as well when you ultimately think about it but I’ll talk about that another time.
But until you decide what you really want, all of your choices will be about other people because that’s just how it is. The outer validation will matter so much that you won’t choose what’s best for you even when you know what that is in the pit of your stomach and all the signs are there.
As much as I want this space to be about erotic prose it is erotic prose through finding what is erotic and intimate to myself not necessarily the male eye, the male gaze or even for others to care. This is about me and how I need to express my authentic self in life, in movement, in art, and experience and deep down I wanted to share. And what you will find that a lot of what I share will be very intimate and erotic as that seems to be such a recurring theme for me. I like eroticism and shared intimacy but not always ending in a sexual position if you get what I mean.
For a long time I wish I understood but now I do and I want to share it because I won’t have all the time in the world do it and who knows what other experiences this will shape. So I guess we can window shop a little but understand I have made my choice and I am simply spending my time doing the things that I love, while sharing some love, but not necessarily looking for love. While not necessarily looking for anything but wanting to share what is within me because honestly it’s boiling over. I can’t hold it all in and so I shall spend my time crafting my words, my focus and my image because we are no longer window shopping through life, we are about that experience. And notice I did not say “we are about that business” because nope… we are now about crafting new life experiences. That will require me to go in and take charge and complete the fucking purchase.